ON AIR
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thAnus, His Cheekness: pale and bald, an enormous red mouth, a black t-shirt and a diamond chain that spells THANUS.
We interrupt this feed.

thAnus

His Cheekness will see you shortly.

COMING SOON
His Cheekness, file photo.
File photo

A statement from The Office of His Cheekness

A statement from The Office of His Cheekness:

Something is on its way. Is it tasteful? Absolutely not. Details: classified. Dignity: not included. No further questions.

Further details are being withheld for dramatic effect.

Footage released by the Office

His Cheekness inspects the water feature.

The Office describes the descent as “on schedule”.

What to expect

Programme times are a rumour. Tap one for details.

Stay tuned.

Coming soon. Please dress accordingly.

    Lines are open. Answers are not guaranteed.

    You have been watching His Cheekness for 0 s. He has been watching you for longer.

    © 2026 The Office of His Cheekness. Press inquiries are welcome and will be ignored with great elegance.

    The Office